Whats Holding You Back From Your Dreams

What’s Holding You Back From Your Dreams No, I didnt have no plans to feature a guest post here (yes, I crave the spotlight), but when I read Whats Holding You Back From Your Dreams? on Lolalina I just had to ask Laura to republish it here. With a BA in Child and Adolescent Development, magna cum laude, from San Francisco State University, shes now looking to realize her dream of becoming a writer. I hope that this article resonates with you dreamers gets the wheels in motion, too! I want to share something close to my heart today: finding the courage to do what you really, really want to do more than anything. In other words, living your dreams. What stops us? What scares us off? Why isn’t everyone doing what they love? This is a rather lengthy post, but it’s a topic that I think is really important, so I want to give it some love, and I hope that you will jump in and offer your own thoughts in the comments section as well. I realize that making big changes in life is difficult, and it’s an ongoing process I am working on in my own life. In fact, that’s the main reason I created this very blog! I want to start taking more risks and exploring interests that have been dormant for too long. Are you with me? There are lots of unhappy, grumpy people out there trudging along, unsatisfied with their lives, but carrying Big Dreams in their back pocket. The internal dialogue tends to go something like this: “I really, really want to open a cute little shop, BUT I’ll never have enough money.” “My secret wish is to be a published author BUT I’m scared to ever submit any of my writing.” “I want to travel the world BUT I’m stuck here with my mortgage payments and lousy job.” Does this sound familiar to you? I think many of us carry on this kind of negative talk I know I do! Those negative thoughts are a big-time bummer, and they are doing nothing helpful. So, I declare it time for a bit of spring cleaning of the mind. Spring seems like a good time to dream big and make a fresh start in the same way you might start working out in preparation for warm weather, we can exercise our minds to pave the way for change in our lives. Let’s clear out some mental roadblocks so we can go for it! Idea #1: Find Your Inner Four Year Old Children don’t accept things at face value; that’s a fact. I was a preschool teacher, so I know these things. Try approaching your dilemma as a young child would: by asking “Why?” not once, not twice, but again and again and again and again, until you can come up with a different answer. The goal of this little exercise is to push yourself to brainstorm some creative solutions. At this point, don’t worry if some of the ideas you come up with are completely ridiculous. Let’s say you really want to go to Paris for six months, but you think it’s impossible because you’ll never be able to save up that much money. Now, usually, that would be the end of the conversation (“Oh well, I’ll never be able to do that, so I’ll just give up”). This time, don’t let yourself off the hook so easily! Bombard yourself with questions: Do you really need as much money as you think you do? What if you did an apartment swap or stayed in a really cheap hostel part of the time? What about doing some work long-distance or taking on freelance work while you’re away? Or perhaps you could move into a smaller house to help save up the cash. For me, wanting to write has been one of my driving passions, and although I’ve always kept journals, I hadn’t found the time to write much else. I was teaching preschool full-time, and although I really enjoyed it I would come home just completely wiped out with zero energy. I just literally didn’t have the energy (mental or physical) to even think about what else I wanted to do with my life! I knew that if I kept it up, the other things I wanted to explore would get left by the wayside. One of the flaws in my thinking was that I had to keep teaching. I thought if I stopped, my husband would totally freak out, we wouldn’t be able to pay the bills, and all manner of disaster and catastrophe would befall me. Well, guess what? I was wrong. I saved up some money, we moved into a cheaper apartment, and I started a blog as a way to begin a new path in life. Idea #2: It’s Not All or Nothing Serendipity: The effect by which one accidentally discovers something fortunate, especially while looking for something else entirely. {Definition from Wikipedia} I think many of us get into perfectionist-mode when it comes to our dreams, and that’s unfortunate, because it can really shut us down. We may think there is only one way (and usually it’s the long and expensive way) to reach our goals, when actually it’s often better just to start somewhere without knowing where it will lead. I had an interesting conversation with my sister the other day about interior design, something we are both interested in pursuing, when our conversation turned to serendipity. She was talking about how she wants to take a step in the direction of becoming an interior designer (maybe take a class), and then just see where it leads; and I think that is a fabulous idea. Sometimes it’s not good to plan everything in advance down to the last little detail or if you do, at least be open to changing those plans down the road! Because if what you want is to live a life that deeply fulfills you, you’re going to need to be tuned into what is and what isn’t floating your boat all along the way. Let’s take interior design as an example: maybe your Plan A is to go to design school, then work for a design firm, and finally go out on your own. But if you stay open to serendipity, maybe you will end up opening your own little design biz after only one semester; or maybe you’ll realize you hate it, but you love your photography class and decide to pursue that instead. Do you see where I’m going with this? Try to keep an open mind, because there are opportunities out there that may not have even occurred to you yet! There are an infinite number of ways to reach any goal. Idea #3: Play Pretend Take all of your excuses and throw them out the window. Let’s just forget about money, talent, education and nerve for a moment and pretend that you are guaranteed success at whatever you want to do, right now. If you knew that you could accomplish your goal just as you are, what would be your first step? Write that down. Now, what would be your second step? And your third? Have a look over your answers can you do any of these things this week? I bet you can! Because the funny thing is, the first steps toward any goal are often the easiest; it’s what you tell yourself about them that makes it difficult. Let’s say you want to open your own shop, and you’ve been completely paralyzed by the idea until now. You’re afraid it will fail. You’re afraid you’ll never get a loan. You’re sure your family will think you’re crazy. Okay, deep breath. Pretend none of that is true. Pretend your shop is guaranteed to be wildly successful, the banks will be throwing money at you, and your family will support you 150%. Now what? Okay, so your first three steps might be to read a book on writing a business plan, sign up for a class on entrepreneurship in your community, and gather all of your design ideas for the shop in one place. You can do that. Idea #4: Accountability You know how you’re more likely to show up for a workout if you know your friend is meeting you there? Well, I think the same thing holds true with making any sort of life changes. Unfortunately, sometimes the folks in our lives can be less than supportive of change (“You want to do what!??) when they don’t understand it. You probably already have a feeling who in your life would be a good candidate for sharing your plans with, and who you should probably hold off in telling until things are more solid. So, just in case you want to, I would like to offer this blog as a judgment-free place where you can share your dreams let other people know what you are planning to do to act on them. {dreamy images: Alicia Bock ~ Etsy; Blog; Website}